FireQuill Publications
The
Short Stories, Plays and Bible Studies of Kathy Kearney
The
Short Stories, Plays and Bible Studies of Kathy Kearney
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Confidence VS Shrinking
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Confidence VS Shrinking
BY: Kathy Kearney I John 3:28 “And now little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming.” SHAMELESS CONFIDENCE Nearly everyone has financial problems from time to time. But let me tell you, when I have them, they drive me up a wall. Most of the time I would rant and rave to my husband about how I can’t take this anymore. Why doesn’t God provide the money when it’s needed, not when it’s two weeks too late? Why doesn’t He give us enough to do the things we want, rather than barely enough to pay our obligations? Why do we have to live “hand to mouth?” Plan a budget? How can you budget nothing? How can you make any plans when what you’ve hoped for never comes to pass? Why? Why? Why? The more I question the angrier I become, and harder it is to believe and have faith. Actually, I end up calling God names—oh, not orally, or even words formed in my mind, but the intent and the attitude are screaming out loud, “You don’t take care of us. Your Word is not true. Why do I even bother trusting you when you are untrustworthy? Over the years, I reacted this way over rent, car payments, insurance, utilities, and other bills. Since we own a business, we don’t have a steady income. When business is slow, we get behind, when business is good, we play catch-up. Do we make a living? Yes we do, but how much we make isn’t the point of this writing. After each temper wrought episode, I would suffer spiritual setbacks for days. How could I speak such things, think such things, to a Heavenly Father who has done me nothing but good—a good I don’t deserve. Considering salvation alone, I would be blessed if He never displayed another ounce of attention and love toward me. I don’t deserve to draw the next breath, much less demand that He pour material blessings into my life. I would repent and continue onward with my life. But more and more I was losing my sense of gratitude toward God. I was losing the sense and wonder of His presence in my life and the lives that inhabited the sphere around mine. And I made my husband feel bad. Memory of the hurt in his eyes makes me wince. Each grumble was an indictment of his provision for his family. They said his long hard hours were not enough. Envy replaced trust. It seemed that God treated others better than He treated us. They had newer cars, more beautiful homes, better furniture and wonderful vacations. They could buy clothes they didn’t need, while I could barely afford clothes I did need. Grudging offerings replaced the joy of giving. Why should I give to God when He gave so little to me became a subtle attitude. Prayers for others took second place to prayers for our finances. My spiritual filing system was in sad disarray. It was all so subtle. I never said these things aloud, I don’t remember thinking them out in graphic terms, but my attitude spoke volumes. And then one morning after my husband, Dewey had left for the shop I took my Bible and sat down to have my morning quiet time and the Lord directed me to Psalm 73. As I read this Psalm the Lord spoke to me in the quietness of my heart. One thing I know from my walk with God is He never raises his voice; it’s me who does all the loud talking and screaming. He is so patient with us, our God is so loving and kind and patient. In this Psalm Asaph was complaining to the Lord about how the ungodly always seemed to prosper while he lacked. Then in the quietness of my heart I heard God say, so lovingly, my child “I told my disciples that in this world there would be troubles.” Then he so lovingly reminded me of all the blessings He had poured out on me and us as a family. Many friends, spiritual fellowship, the privilege of teaching His word and the times He had enabled us to help others who were having a hard time too. Verse 24 of Psalm 73 seemed to leap off the page: “With your counsel you will guide me, and afterward receive me to glory”. WOW! I wish I could say that all our troubles disappeared as if by magic but that isn’t what happened. But from that time on I began to relax and trust Him. Do I do that everyday, you’re joking, right? Do I occasionally stumble, absolutely! But God is faithful and someday I’ll see Him in heaven and this world’s troubles will be a dim memory … See you in Heaven too! |
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