Now, little children abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in shame at His coming. I John 2:28

Recently, in our weekly Bible study, I was teaching the second chapter of First John.  When I came across these verses I thought, sure I know exactly what they mean.  The abiding walk of the Christian has to do with being about our Father’s work when He comes for us.  Simple enough interpretation; but I always forget the application.

A wise teacher—not me, once said that a Scripture verse has one interpretation, but many applications.  And he was right.  In First Corinthians 9:9 Paul makes an application about paying pastors an honest wage by using the verse from Deuteronomy 24 about not muzzling the oxen when it treads the grain.  Moses was talking about oxen, Paul was talking about pastors.  One is the only interpretation, the other one of many applications.

So, as I ho hummed by way past this familiar verse,  God drummed on my mind’s door with an application.

It was a time when we were going through a tight financial time—hate it when that happens.  Well, who am I kidding, we’re always going through tight financial times.  We’re self-employed, no steady paycheck comes trotting up to the door at the end of every week.  But then, I know even those who do have that kind of income, fight the money battle too.  Life just has a way of surprising us with the unexpected.

I wake up in the night bathed in a cold sweat wondering how I’m going to pay that supplier, pay that insurance, buy those groceries, take care of the dental bill and the unexpected new medication, and hey, how about those taxes?  Next move: sweet faith restoring sleep?  Uh huh, sure.  “Lord how could you let this happen?  Where are you, don’t you care that we’re drowning in bills and nothing is coming in?  So and so always has more than enough money and they aren’t nearly as nice as we are.  What gives!”

Next morning I sit scowling into my coffee, and Dewey says, “Let’s pray, Dear.”

Sure I wanna pray, like I want to run up Mt. Everest barefoot.

My day is clouded with despair, I can’t write, I can’t think, when Dewey asks what’s for lunch I want to snarl, “Who cares?  Eat your shoe!”  I am altogether lovely and cuddly.  The world gives me wide berth.

Then Dewey walks in from his morning calls.  “I came across a new business and they bought 500 caps and paid me in full.  Which account do you this check deposited in?”

Result: sweet feelings of answered prayer?  Uh huh, sure.  I shrink under the gaze of my Father’s love.  I want the earth to open and swallow me, but as David said, where can I go to escape His presence?  Shamefaced, head hanging I limp into His presence.   

During this blushing recollection, God speaks.  “That’s what it means to shrink from me when I come, Kathy.  And I always come, don’t I?”

Is there condemnation in this exchange.  Not from Him.  From Him there is such abiding love and mercy.  But I am awash in shame.  I have forfeited my confidence for shrinking from my truest benefactor.

The application can be soothing salve or stinging astringent.  The choice is mine.

Have I changed?  Uh, huh, sure.  Well, I am changing.  Now, I remind myself during the cold sweat of midnight that He has never failed me, that He’s the only one in whom I can have confidence.  

I close my eyes and return to sleep wrapped in His love—no longer shrink-wrapped.

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